8 October 2010

I want to be a supermodel ! ! !


It was January 2006 when ProSieben blessed my long and cold Austrian evenings with “Germany's Next Topmodel” and annoyingly giggling Heidi Klum.
Aside Heidi being oh so loud and unconvincingly ├╝berhappy, the show was still watchable, that is if you have stomach for realities. The sociologist in me has always had something for it; it’s like completely free research. You get to peek deep into group’s life but without the entire ethical dilemma; someone else does the dirty job for you.
Germany’s Next Topmodel wasn’t nearly that deep that a sociologist part of me would have any reason to watch it, it was just a guilty pleasure... then why did I watch it? It was laughable! And I never miss an opportunity for a good mock.
Show could have as well been called “Clueless”. No, I won’t go on wasting precious internet space writing about model’s intelligence, which is an oxymoron in itself, in fact. I will be quite nice this time. Germany’s Next Topmodel is a joke.
Where do they find those kids? (In Germany, right?). Oh my, it just strike me why Germany’s Supermodel starts with 100 contestants and American starts with 30! Can you guess? Well, duh, it’s impossible to find more than 30 non – obese girls in America these days. If they’re below hudred kilos they’ve already been hired by one of MTV’s reality shows!
But back to Germany. Why do those girls come so unprepared? It’s like a tradition that every season at least two girls leave the show on their own “because they miss mommy and daddy oh so much”, then there is all the drama when it comes to wearing nothing but undies “because we are not hookers, we are models”, you’re hangers my dear child, you wear what you’re told to wear. Then the problem of sleeping here or there or travelling like this or like that. Boo hoo, get overyourself!
Why oh why don’t you check a bit what being a model is all about before you decide that that is what you’ve really really always wanted to be!! Oh so much!
There are maybe fifty models all in all who make their own conditions, the rest are used to wear clothes. Before you become Alessandra the Great, you’ll have to be doing shampoo commercials and local European runaways.
Seriously, they get there so clueless it’s not even funny, joking, of course it’s funny, it’s fucking hilarious.

So, at one episode they were a bit de – motivated because they were abroad and missing the great country of Germany so much, their parrots, cats, monkeys, boyfriends and other pets... So to lift the spirits Heidi said let’s see who wants this the most. Let’s shout as loud as we can “I want to be a supermodel!”. And after the shouting therapy she told them every time they doubt themselves and it gets hard you just say to yourself “I want to be a supermodel”. She didn’t know back then, but in that moment she made history. “I want to be a supermodel” started as a local joke at my dance academy every time things would get too hard but it has spread through many universities... back then I had about hundred friends who all knew the “I want to be a supermodel” thing.
Things those girls were doing in a show were so ridiculously easy compared to what we were going through every day that we just had to use their pep talk. So many times I wished to be stupid and released of my own ambitions. Wishing to be a supermodel was like saying “I want to go to Maldives and do nothing for three months”. The funniest thing was hearing my tough friend from military academy working on his terrorism masters saying from time to time “I want to be a supermodel”.
The show also had an educational role, for all those future models. I highly recommend you watch this or any franchise of this show just to get familiar with what you might be facing one day. Oh and a warning, all the ugly parts were edited out!
The only thing that’s worse than reality shows are those local sleazy so called modelling agencies. You know the type when you see photos from the “shooting”. The very cheap clothes, unprofessional make up... you know, it reeks of Ukraine in the 90ties. So if you’re wanna be model, it’s better to try a reality show than one of those. Just because there is a white screen behind you while someone takes your photos honey, doesn’t mean you’re a model. But suit yourself.

After the first season we didn’t continue watching the Supermodel, later we graduated, we finished masters, doctoral and other degrees, but we never ever became supermodels...