16 July 2010

How do you feel about marzipan?

I am sure you’ve watched Forest Gump, it’s such a lovely and inspirational movie. Even an evil sarcastic maniac like myself loves Forest <3. And his moma was right - life really is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. Well except if you go to one of those fancy chocolatier shops and pick the pralines you like. Still most of us just put up with what we get.
But what if you keep getting truffles with marzipan and you really hate marzipan? Do you spit it out or keep on chewing? Do you swallow? Good girls swallow you know, but I really hate marzipan, even when it’s covered with chocolate.
How did Forest Gump stand against the marzipan truffles? Against the world, against the bad odds and chances? Simply, I believe – Forest didn’t know he doesn’t like marzipan.
Forest was born mentally and physically challenged, with an IQ of an average model (75), and that considered, rethinking the world we live in, you would have thought that all odds were against him. But no! Think again. Dumbness pays today.

According to genius professor Anthony Giddens we live in a “runaway” world. To put it simply for the Forest - like minds, that means that the world is constantly running away from us (thank you captian Obvious!), the moment you think you have it all under the control, you have absorbed everything – information, inventions, technologies, (fashion trends) – the world takes a step forward. Something new (and big) happens! Such world can easily drive us mad because it’s constantly out of reach, which apparently is bad for our mental health; people like to have things under control. When the world gets neurotic, we get neurotic.
Forest was too stupid to realize how big the things that were happening around him really are. Most people would take significant amount of time to ponder on any of those events if they had happened to them, and while doing that, they would lose all the other chances that Forest took, while they would be still calculating the risks – Forest would already be finished with the whole thing.
Only when you don’t know things, you can go beyond them. If you are aware of significance and risks, if you are aware of what you might lose, the chances are your fears will leave you in one place your entire life. When you can’t see the broad picture on the other hand, you go for whatever you want. There is incredible freedom in having nothing to lose. Not that any of us have anything to lose, we just think we do, again, because we’ve been convinced so, again, because we’re oh so much smarter than Forest.

Out of every marzipan truffle Forest ate, he only tasted chocolate. An average citizen of civilized world today would have to be slightly mentally retarded to undergo everything the runaway world serves him and stay “normal”. Forest went through life unbelievably calm, taking things as they are, we on the other hand, over-analyze everything.
The best thing about Forest is that he was too dumb to know that he can not make it in life, so he made it. I can only wish to be that stupid.

4 July 2010

Mirror, mirror...

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of them all? Is it Giselle? Heidi? Adriana? Monica or Sharon? Who? Who? How do you tell oh wise mirror?

The mirror that was in evil stepmother’s possession must have in fact been a sociologist. A one with a very good knowledge of theories of taste and socio – economical conditions in the kingdom. Because, it is in fact possible to scientifically say what is and what isn’t beautiful. Biology aside, as social conditions change, so does the perception of aesthetics. But not to go into theories of taste, because it would take too much time, think where did you first hear about magical mirror (aka sociologist in disguise)? In a fairy tale. You see, now this may come as a surprise to some of you (I recommend models to skip this entire chapter), but fairy tales are not true.

Just like images in the mirror. What you see when you look into a mirror is a combination of fears and desires implanted right under your skin by media and commercials.

Isn’t your nose too big? Your eyes are too much apart? Your skin has lost that beautiful healthy glow? Wrinkles around your eyes are starting to show despite all the time and money invested in beauty products? Face lifts last for only so long, and they can not really hide the truth. The neck and the hands are real tale tellers. Year after year you are losing the battle with gravity… You’re stretching and pumping and lifting, but the time shows no mercy. Is that what you see? Did they get to you?

How far would you go to stay younger and more beautiful? It is important in life, beauty and youth. Let's put aside lies we tell ourselves about inner beauty, I usually like to say - it's not that beauty makes me especially interesting, but it does help people to get interested in my personality. It is a statistical fact that beautiful (symmetrical) people get more and better opportunities in life. It doesn't apply to every single person of course, but it does to majority. What do you think why did I develop such an awesome personality and charisma? I'm butt ugly!

So what is your youth drug of choice? Supplements? Cosmetics? Botox? Plastic surgery? Aborted fetuses perhaps? Because you see, in China, apparently they eat aborted human fetuses. I'm dead serious. Now, I'm not very picky when it comes to food, I always say "if it had a mom I will eat it", and somehow, deep inside, I always knew that statement will one day come back and punch me in the face. I would not eat an aborted human fetus or any other kind of fetus or anything human, despite it having a mom.

And they don't eat them because they are a gourmet specialty, they eat them because they believe it keeps them younger. Yes, they do. Hospitals collect aborted fetuses and sell them or give them away. They say it is best to make a soup. If you don’t believe me, you should know that there is a law in china which forbids the eating of human fetuses. There is no such law in my country, and you know why? Because no one was ever sick enough to even think of eating a human fetus. I am sure that people do many other sick things in my country though.

Sometimes I am under impression that I am very naive, because no matter what I see and hear, what I learn, it always surprises me when I see how far people are going only to satisfy their vanity. Someone needs therapy. Lots of therapy.

If you take a moment and think, Dorian Gray didn't end so well, despite his glorious beauty, superficiality and stupidity. "Your mysterious young friend, whose name you have never told me, but whose picture really fascinates me, never thinks. I feel quite sure of that. He is some brainless, beautiful creature, who should be always here in winter when we have no flowers to look at, and always here in summer when we want something to chill our intelligence". How lovely, and it proves I'm not the first one who noted the obvious connection between beauty and sketchiness.

Physical beauty is most often wasted on the young and dumb. If you don't like what you see in the mirror, perhaps you should simply stop looking in the mirror?