16 December 2010

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
I’ve been a very good girl this year. But I still have several things to ask for, well, if possible. I know we haven’t talked since I’ve been seven, but if I remember well you don’t work like that gold fish cheapo, granting only three wishes. Here I can make as many as I want, that’s how it works, right?
First, is it possible for shops and radio stations to stop drilling my brain with Christmas music from the eighties? Seriously. Thank you very much. (Oh dear, still humming “last Christmas I gave you my heart...”)

Now, let me tell you, it’s been a wonderful year. I’ve been a very very good girl. I have been incredibly nice to my friends, I made one man the luckiest man on earth, I made some magnificent changes to my style, which made me so proud of myself, I have been pointing people in the right fashion directions and I have even brought my supermodels dishing to a minimum. I swear, I have!
So, don’t I deserve a thing or two?
You need to know Santa, Christmas gift shopping and receiving dreads me.
Overcrowded stores filled with clueless people who don’t want to be there in the first place and cranky sales people who act like they’ve just pulled you out of a burning car when they actually manage to find the right size and colour for you. Pas pour moi, merci.
All everyone is talking about is Christmas shopping. It simply seems too evasive to me. It’s like that annoying girl you keep running into and keep lying to how you don’t live here anymore or you’re awfully busy, even though the only thing you really need to do in a month’s time is write one article... But seriously, I refuse to hang out with anyone who has about as much style as a tapeworm.
And a very special thorn in my eye are those articles about perfect gifts “for him”, “for her”, “for mother in law”, “for great great grandmother” and for “that distant cousin whose name you no longer remember”.
The chances are if I am not nice to them during year, I don’t call, I don’t hang out often, I never buy them anything, I don’t really fancy them. So, my Christmas gift will be under their tree only because I was raised nicely.
 Christmas gifts always end up being things you would never buy for yourself, things you really didn’t want, and most of the time things you don’t even like. If we would all just stop buying gifts to each other and instead buy gift for ourselves that would have been a much better deal, but I am aware that will not happen, because then you wouldn’t get to pretend you’re nice.
More often than not I am really disappointed with things I get for Christmas. Or other gift – giving occasions, like birthdays. But I do know birthdays are not your responsibility Santa. Though, it’s always the same scenario. I see a nicely wrapped package, get all overly excited, thinking, this is something I’m gonna love. I rip the paper of the package and there it is... biggest disappointment ever. It’s like that moment when you enter a van and the old guy has no candy. You’re thinking wt*? You know the feeling.
So Santa, this time, I want to avoid the awkwardness and that’s why I’m writing with several requests.
Of course the first thing I would wish for is world peace or for people to be nicer to each other, but I am keeping that one for when I enter a beauty contest, so pass.
Other thing is, you could tell people to dress up more. That would be nice. That way I could have much broader circle of friends. Or at least people to go have drinks with.
You could also send me lottery numbers, so that way I could spend the rest of my life shopping. I know people would say, nah, that wouldn’t make anyone happy long term, but they are wrong. Trust me Santa, it would make me happy long term. I am that shallow, and I know all the right places to shop. Do we have a deal?
And please dear Santa, encourage everyone to buy a gift for themselves this year, wrapping it up and putting it under a tree would be a step too far, however.
Oh, and do you also make new year’s decision come true? Or someone else is in charge of that? Well, since I am already writing, if that’s your job or if you know a guy for that, please just tell him to make the next year even more awesome and stylish.

Thank you dear Santa.
Sincerely yours,
            Miss Opinionated
P.S. Please, please don’t forget the lottery numbers!

1 comment:

  1. Looooooooooooooooove your stories – and of course totally agree with you on the lottery winning scenario! People who say that money doesn’t buy happiness just don’t know where to shop ha/ha ;o)
    XOXOXO, Cat Angelina