All French men are gay. ‘nuff said. Seriously. Okay, okay, let me elaborate, French love that, long meaningless “deep” discussions.
But first, let me begin with a joke, just to put you in a good mood, better safe than sorry, or something like that. So, why does every army, except Israel, need to have a French flag on them at all times? In case they want to surrender of course.
Now, the serious stuff. Let me tell you, France is a pretty decent country. On the “Quality of life index” France is a regular number one, as the best country to live in. France indeed has everything, well, except three things: 1. Winter, 2. Summer and sadly… 3. Straight men.
So what’s wrong with French men? They are gay, scared, feminine sissies. Very submissive and quiet, yet so full of themselves. And even though most of my opinionated opinions are based on nothing else but plain subjective biased prejudice, this one I didn’t just make up. And I haven’t been horribly hurt or dumped by a French man, so this is not revenge either.
First, let’s debunk some myths. French are great lovers. Right. LOL
Seems that the only people who think that the French are great lovers… are French. Go figure. In a Dailymail poll of sexual satisfaction the French came second from bottom. How sad. But how do you expect those sissies to be good lovers anyway?
Now doing a research for this elaborate article, I’ve come across several articles about all French men being gay, all written by I would say angry women. If it were angry women making scientific conclusions, it would be a very well known proven fact, that as it turns out all men are assholes. But they are not. Probably. Now saying all French men are gay is like saying all priests are pedophiles, ah, that gives you something to think of! Well, are they?
Problem with French men (yes, it is a fucking problem, and not to be taken lightly) is their femininity. Yes, it’s good to be somewhat in touch with your feminine side, but for god’s sake leave the undying love for new female couture and spa visits to real gay guys, or women?!?
Let’s review some facts about the French men:
1. French men know if your shoes match your dress. Other men just see you’re wearing something and you’re not barefoot.
2. French men recognize your perfume the moment you enter the room. Other men think you smell good.
3. French men only make love, they never have sex. Other men can do both.
4. French men groom more than you do. Other men will now have to look up the word groom in a dictionary.
5. French men read philosophers so they can pretend to engage in meaningful discussions with you. Other men think Kant is a new Bayern München sweeper (French men will now have to google sweeper).
6. French men think sports like squash or chanbara are actual men sports. Other man LOL at them.
7. French men are as skinny as their girlfriends, probably so they can borrow a pair of skinny jeans now and then. Other men know you’re not a man if you don’t weight 100 kilos at least.
8. French men think proteins are endangered birds. Other men eat them.
9. French men melt in the sun and break apart in the winter. Other men don’t respond to weather conditions.
10. French men will never survive the zombie invasion. Other men won’t either.
Truth be told, besides my boyfriend, I only know one other French man who is not gay, and hearing his voice alone will make you cream your panties in less than 10 seconds. And girls, I am selling his phone number, for 100 Euros per digit, feel free to contact me any time.